Ph*ck Phuket

ok, so I know Phuket is a top tourist destination & lots of people seem to love it, ( as evidenced by the throngs of people) but for the life of me I can’t figure out why. The beaches are probably lovely, if you can see past the endless parade of chairs & umbrellas & jet skis & touts & cigarette smoking Europeans.  I couldn’t. I heard it was the Vegas of Thailand, and I freely admit Vegas is one of my least favorite places on earth, but I was looking forward to the spectacle. No spectacle. Just sad & seedy & too many people.

The Beaches

We stayed in Karon beach, one of the “nicer beaches” in Phuket. This is what Lonely Planet has to say about Karon beach “Karon’s gorgeous beachfront is developing rapidly, but the area still has an isolated feel” oh, really?

Karon beach, peaceful, no? and this stretches on for as far as you can see in both directions

The street that runs along the beach.

Because the road is adjacent to the beach, there are no accommodations directly on the beach. You get to cross this little gem, with about 20 touts wanting to sell you a massage, genuine prada sunglasses or a boat tour,  every time you head to & from the beach.

White Dudes Thai Chicks

Phuket may be no pattaya, but the sex trade is still in your face & prevalent. I am a live & let live kinda gal, but I just don’t want to have to look at it. If i see it, I’m going to comment on it.  so here’s my take, Everywhere you go, there are  white guys, usually old & fat with young & lovely Thai women on their arms ( they apparently haven’t heard of the half your age plus 7 rule) As a white western woman, it is , for lack of better words, soooooo icky. Emotionally stunted losers with egos so fragile they require constant fawning & adoration, troll the night clubs in search of “true love”.  The women, or more likely, girls, usually come from poor country villages & being the girlfriend of a white guy is a ticket out of poverty. The girls  gyrate around poles in open air air bars with  hollow eyes that stare into space while slack jawed men drink & drool.  If actually  buying sex is not your thing, you can go to a ping pong show & watch women shoot ping pong balls from their vaginas, i personally didn’t see one but hear they are, ahem, surprisingly accurate. (lots of kegels, is my guess). Many men I have met here will argue that many of these women are shrewd & take advantage of western men, stealing their money & their hearts. To which I say “Boo hoo, let me get you crying towel.” If you are so stupid that you believe the love of your life does not speak your language & was dancing on a pole when you met her, well,  I have no sympathy for you.


dancing girls

Mafia Tuk Tuks

Most everywhere in Thailand transport is reasonably priced & readily available, so you would think that a place like Phuket, visited by millions of tourists would have reasonable transport. no. Apparently there is a  Tuk Tuk mafia. There is no public transport between the southern beaches & Patong, one of the larger towns. The government has tried to intervene,according to the locals, with no success. That means a 5 km ride will cost you 400 baht each way. That’s approx 12 USD. TWELVE DOLLARS! my room wasn’t much more than that. If you try to negotiate, like i did, you get a little chuckle & then  they say “walk”.  Walking isn’t really an option, the road is busy with no shoulder to speak of and not to mention it can be steep in places. So if you don’t have a motorbike, you are at the mercy of the Tuk Tuk mafia. arrggghh, that was the feather in my I-hate-Phuket cap.

To be fair, it was absolutely pouring rain most of the time, which I’m sure added to my discontent, but seeing Phuket in the sunshine, I don’t know. I think it would be like seeing an aging drag queen in her pancake make-up in broad daylight: still not pretty.


About Miss Q

I am a travel obsessed foodie, with an inexplicable love of clamato, elvis costello & the unknown
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14 Responses to Ph*ck Phuket

  1. Steph says:

    So skanky. Get out of there.I can find a lot to like about Las Vegas, much to my surprise. But Phuket sounds like a seaside cesspool.

  2. Laura says:

    I’ve shot ping-pong balls out of my… oh wait… no, that is gross! why would anyone do that???

  3. Vicki says:

    I am loving your blog!! Thanks for sharing. Zannah gave me the link. Love love loving it and oh so jealous.

    Vicki Hartmann 12k

  4. dan gold says:

    Hey it’s Dan post 13a now on holiday in Vietnam. Yeah we’ve found that lots of the advice we’ve been given sucks. The beaches down by Hoi An sucked and now we’re up by Hue where we were told the beach stunk. But it’s the best, cleanest, mellowest so far. Probably because there are fewer white people. Oh well we gotta leave for Hanoi tomorrow anyway. Glad you’re having fun.

  5. Von Trashy says:

    While I sit here in my office staring out at the rain pissing down non-stop it is hard for me to feel bad about Phuket or for you having to spend time there. The beaches, the pasty Eurotrash, and the ping-pong balls (especially the ping-pong balls) all sound like heaven right now.

  6. I trust the pad thai in Karon was to your liking though?

    Can you recall anywhere you went on holiday that was subject to record flooding the entire time and DIDN’T leave you feeling grumpy?

    Visit KL some time on a budget. Now that’s a nightmare.

    • Miss Q says:

      CC- oh. so cranky! yes, loved the pad thai. and you are just cranky ‘cuz I am picking on phuket. I am giving KL a wide berth

  7. Wendy says:

    Never been to Phuket – not even transitioned through there – never heard one good thing about it. Now you’ve warned us all with first hand knowledge. Thanks!

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